close call* 

2004 is coming to an end. And definitely with a thought-provoking end. The tsunami disaster death toll has risen to the 67,000 mark and the number is ascending as I type away.

Who would have thought this to happen; especially a day after Christmas. A day after Jesus Christ's birthday. Jesus - the one who died, so all of us can live. The one who is the Lord and Saviour. The perfect man.

Why thought provoking?

Because I did felt a slight tremor that Sunday morning while sitting on the bowl. I brushed it off as me being groggy after having only 3 hours of sleep. It was only during mid-noon I learnt of the disaster through CNN. And the next day, I read about the evacuation of residents in a neighbouring condo. Gosh, the tremors I felt were real!

And that set me thinking seriously about life. I mean, in a way, this is my second close brush with death. The first time was back in 1988 when the Penang ferry terminal collapsed. I was lucky enough to aboard the last ferry. Out of the group of 12 making that fateful trip together to see the Kwan Yin Procession; 9 fell, 1 died and 2 escaped. Till today, my cousin sister who fell can still feel the pain on her ribs when it pours.

And that is the key reason why I detest crowded places.

A fellow Christian blogger, James raised a good point that we must live a life worthy of God. The second coming is definitely drawing near. It may come next decade. Next year. Next week. Even tomorrow. Or tonight...

So let me end the year right with this note.

To Whom It May Concern, if you have lived your life not knowing who the real God is, it is still not too late. And if you have been hurting and you wonder where God is when bad things happen, my dearest, look no further than here.

May the truth set you free.

God bless!

Update: As of 11.40pm on 29th Dec, the death toll is at 80,427 and rising. Sigh. May those souls rest in peace.

December 29, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 8:10 pm
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christmas turkey* 

As I was licking away my second chocolate sundae in McDonald's Pusat Bandar Damansara last night, Gorgeous filled me in on his rendezvous with his current dream girl. From the gleam on his eyes, one could tell how obsessed he was with her.

"Blah blah blah...she's so cute...blah blah blah...she's so funny...blah blah blah...she's so adorable...blah blah blah...she's so this, she's so that".

So smitten to death he was with this petite femme called Hannah. For a moment, I had to do some self cross-checking at my end. I could feel a tinge of jealousy lurking from the deep within and I don't understand why. 'Too much sundaes,' I thought. I mean, I can share his excitement - that was exactly the same drooling dialogue I had on Jess many months ago.

Being the sensitive gem that he is, he sensed my boredom = monotone erms and uh-huhs.

"Am I boring you?" he asked.

"No lah. Just feeling kinda dead-beat."

He raised his left eyebrow in skeptic. "Ok ok...I’ll stop talking about Hannah. For today."

"Thank you. My eardrums are eternally grateful."

"Eh. Errr, one last question about Hannah," he said sheepishly before mutating to his infamous sappy doggy face. "I swear, last question. Last question. Puh leeez?" he pleaded.

"Ok. Last question. If there's any more forthcoming, I swear I will just go home or do something against my family name."

"He he. You must be honest when you answer this, ok!"

"Hurry up! My biological clock is ticking away and my eggs are screaming blue murder!"

"Do you think me and Hannah are compatible, ah?".

"Aiyo, friend, questions like that you go ask Lillian Too la. You two are chickens, right? So both of you are meant to love peck each other. Yes, yes, damn compatible!"

"Eh no lah…she's a pig la."

"Haa...Better still, that's perfect for my Christmas special - Bak-Chi Kut Teh! Now wait here, I'm gonna get my cleaver in the car."

"You are worst than Bentong Kali la." And like the rest of the male species, Gorgeous finally ran away from me...leaving me feeling like the turkey that I am.

December 21, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 10:47 pm
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shall we belly dance, mr. sumner?* 

I was stung last week and I have been a walking trampoline since. Move aside Santa, the English-teacher-turned-rock-deity Sting is coming to town. Again!

I had the privilege to attend his 1994 concert in PWTC. All thanks go to my cousin brother who bought me the ticket as an early birthday present. Back then, as a student, there was no way I could have afford the RM200+ ticket. I am still thankful for that gift, even though I had to be the lamp post to him and his girlfriend; now his wife. But hey, I did leave them to join a group of French men midway...

Sting was a sight to behold, his performance was world-class and his booty was perfect 12 out of 10 on my drool poll. And he's looking sexier than ever in his 50s. He must owe that great physique to his tri-weekly 5-hour tantric activity, I'm sure of it.

His 'Sacred Love' World Tour stop in KL is due on 1 February 2005 at the Bukit Jalil Stadium. Me and my executive have bought the Platinum tickets, which cost RM470 each. But hey, he is so worth it. Even if I have to eat instant noodles for the next 3 months, so be it.

And guess what? I am planning to take up belly dancing classes. Why? Because Mr. Sumner loves it. In fact, he's been known to have fans belly dancing on stage to 'Desert Rose'.

Don't believe me?

Click on the left pix and read all about Venus' experience with Sting.

And for the KL tour, maybe I would get the privilege to do the same for him. Ya, ya...I may be end up being too chicken shit to move even a finger when he actually calls me up, but the remedy is simple. 2 shots of vodka may just remedy all the retard genes!

To date, I have the support from my friends, Lisa and Tracy, who are also keen to learn belly dancing with me.

So people of Malaysia, lend me your moral support. I may just end up on MTV! Woo!

Update 2 Jan: After much thought (which was also strengthened by the dominant alter-ego chicken - I swear this to be Tan Ah Yam's curse!), I have decided to postpone my belly-dancing classes to June '05.

Why?

Many reasons (good ones!) being:
i) I am not the flashy sort of person. But definitely fleshy - seriously need to tone that jelly belly of mine before any public / private display of sorts.
ii) The RM470 ticket has burnt my pocket badly. I need to be thrifty for the next quarter.
iii) I need to start saving for my 2nd Kinabalu climb due in April 2005, with a nice resort stay included.

December 14, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 11:20 pm
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bridget sucks* 

Watched 'Bridget Jones The Edge Of Reason' last week. Couldn't wait for it to hit our shores, so I furtively head down to patronise my pirate king, Ah Kong's stall. Pirate King Kong, who coincidently share the same ash blonde hair color as me. Sometimes I wonder if that was the key reason he calls me "Sister" while he refers to other gals as "Leng Loi". Hmm.

Well, what can I say about the movie?

In a nutshell, it was a major disappointment with capital letters, 44 point size. Yet, for the record, I watched it twice. Back to back.

5 reasons why I agree with Bull Durham's comment of "Same plot different diary" :

(i) Renee Zellweger's bad Brit accent. That really got to me. I am beginning to dislike her and her silly antics, which borders to being irritating. They seem deliberate this time. Definitely trying too hard.

(ii) The Colin Firth / Hugh Grant girlie fight did not impress me either, though I would love to have 2 hunks fighting for me. Dream dream. Again same idea- wet fighting scene. This time, instead of pouring rain, it involves a fountain. The key saving grace to this scene was the accompanying song; The Darkness' "I believe in a thing called love". They should have featured the ever sexy Justin Hawkins. Yum.

(iii) The thunder ass on the camera scene was no longer funny second time round. Yawn.

(iv) The third party and the jealousy. Personally I think Mark Darcy should go for her instead of Ms. Boring Bridget.

(v) Giant girdle scene - major put-off. Who in the world wears girdle anymore?

The only saving grace to the whole movie is (of course) the firth factor - seeing Mr. Mark Darcy naked!!! Okay, okay...it's only from waist up but you can actually see Mark's left nipple in its full glory. Unashamedly I confess, I paused and drooled over this scene for the 39th time now. The latest count was last night at 2.31 a.m.

And I do wish I am the one staring at him sleeping...Understandably I'm feeling quite dehydrated. Gonna grab myself some milk now. Ha.

December 11, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 1:47 pm
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hung-over* 

I had not slept for 2 nights and prior to that had only 3 hours of REMs. And even so I was constantly woken up drenched in cold sweat - the client became my Freddie Kreuger every night. I fall deep into the black hole in the gap between his teeth. This 2005 brand plan was really driving me to suicidal point.

I had lost 2 kilos in 2 weeks. Guess that was the only plus point to this yearly torture. While I thought I looked great, others thought I'm perfecting the zombie look.

One more week to go before the big presentation to the gap one.
"Help me God. Let me not walk alone in the valley of death!" became my constant plea.

I need a break. Definitely after the preso.

Just as the clock hits 7.00am, DJ Tim from Red 104.9FM opened the lines for the "Comedy 4U" radio contest. The first 4 callers with the right answers to these questions will win 2 free tickets to watch William Hung live!

Questions:
1) Where will it be held? [Answer: Arena of Stars, Genting Highland]
2) What's the date and time of the show? [Answer: 15 November, 8.00pm]

"Ha. Let's give it a shot!" I thought.
"Lord, I could use some laugh to unwind. So please let me win." I plead again.

I was the second caller through! Woo!

I dialled Mei's number and told her about my latest windfall.

"You must be joking, right? Are you okay? Do you need to see the doctor?" she quipped.

"Aiyo, I am fine la. Wanna come or not? It'll be fun!" I pleaded.

She thought for quite a bit before agreeing. 2 weeks to be exact.

"I am only doing this because you begged me to. If anyone asked, you went alone, ok!"


>> Fast track to November 15, 2005.

I picked Mei up from her condo at 5.00pm. As always, she lets me yak away. This time, until we reached Arena of Stars.

We were entertained with tunes from William's album. That was a real eardrum test. Show kicked off with Norleena Salim and Hossan Leong. Then Linda Ang asked the audience to stand up and danced like William, to give him the support before he makes his appearance.

Without a blink, Mei jumped from her seat and proved that she too can bang.

"Get up woman! Shake your booty! C'mon shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture! Woo!!!" I could only offer a sheepish smile and turned her down.

Mei danced, jumped and screamed when William came on stage with "She Bangs". Holy cow udder, can she bangs. For the record, she bangs good.

Then she screamed, "William, I love you.", followed by "William, I want to have your babies!!! Take me, William! Take me!"

And to think she is my cell leader!

I was tempted to lay hands on her and cast all the demons out. Then it hit me - this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see her misbehave. Nevermind, the SOS call to pastor can wait till tomorrow. I'm having double dosage of pure entertainment - so why spoil it! Instead, I silently thanked God heartily.

She slowed down when William covered Elton John's "Rocketman". Then she hit it high again with the Village People's "YMCA".

On the journey home, she was grinning from both earlobes and humming the chorus to "She bangs" and I let her be. It's my turn to listen.

The next morning, she called to say she's got a bad hangover. From a different kind of high, I supposed. She confessed her memory failed her and asked "Did I do anything stupid?".

"No, dear. You were ice cool."

I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. The beautiful truth that she can bang so well. Even if I did, she'll definitely deny it all.

December 07, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 8:45 pm
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diary of a mad viagra housewife* 

Found this in my loony bin. Damn funny. Enjoy!

Day 1 - Just celebrated our 25th anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the
bathroom and cried.

Day 2 - Today he told me he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent,
he says, and wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break! He's been dysfunctional
for so long, he even WALKS with a limp!!

Day 3 - This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs you know!
Sometimes I need something too! Yesterday, I saw a picture of the
Washington Monument and burst into tears!

Day 4 - A miracle has happened!! There's an new drug on the market that
will fix his "problem". It's call Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He
asked me if this time I would say HIS name at the "glorious moment".

Day 5 - Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is shining, the birds are
singing. My needs have been fulfilled. Everything is perfect.

Day 6 - Again?

Day 7 - This Viagra thing is going to his head. (No pun intended)
Yesterday, at Burger King, the kid behind the counter asked him if he
wanted a whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one."

Day 8 - I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new "friend" as a weed wacker.

Day 9 - Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so
much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard
cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working anymore. What am I going to
do?

Day 10 - I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with
Black and Decker.

Day 11 - I wish he was gay. I've bought him 20 Liza Minelli albums and
the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and he keeps coming after me.

Day 12 - Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut
my eyes, there's a sneak attack!! It's like going to bed with a scud
missile!

Day 13 - I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing works. I even
started dressing like a nun. He says penguins turn him on.

Day 14 - I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to have to kill him.
I just worry about one thing - how will they ever get the lid to close
on his casket??

December 06, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 11:28 pm
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