save me from this misery* 

To whom it may concern:

I beg.
I plead.
I implore.
I beseech you.
On all fours.
I'll lick your dog-pooed soles.
Hell, I'll lick your dog too...
If you'll save me from this miserable job.
I'd like to retire. Pronto!
NOW! NOW! NOW!

Here's what you can do to help:

Please find me a stinking rich, yet old dying man, whose last living wish is to get married to a boobsylicious damsel in distress and have great sex every living hour. I'm willing. See my hands waving in the air. And both my legs too? No, I am not practising acrobatic of sorts. I'm in utter desperation.

And here's my $trategy:

$1 I will make you [the rich dying old man], fall desperately in love with me.

$2 You will then propose. [It's okay if you can't kneel down to do it.]

$3 I will accept on one condition - Transfer all your properties and monies under my name. Let me spell it for you, dear - it's A-N-J-A-L-I. Ok, ok, I shall not be selfish. Let your 12 children share the 12 percent. And okay, your favourite son can have the Mercedes too. In fact, I'll throw in the driver as well.

$4 We will get married in Las Vegas. By Elvis. Okay, okay, for your sake, my wrinkled dearie, no Elvis. We will have Frank Sinatra marry us off then. Sheesh! But no relatives. No children. No grandchildren. Same goes for the great grandchildren too, paps! Oops, I mean 'my dearest'.

$5 On our wedding night, I will wear the skimpiest Brazilian thong you have ever laid your eyes on. I'll pair it with 2 clover leaves to cover the nips. Ooohhh...you like that don't you, you old fart. Heheh. I mean 'my darling'.

$6 Then, to get the ball rolling, I will prance around and let you chase me around the room. Haa...what's that you pant out, my dear rumpled prune? What? Your heart is beating too fast? Not fast enough, my puckered one. Not fast enough...

$7 Run, dear, run. C'mon...you can get me. Oh yes, you can, if you'll just run a little faster.

$8 Ooops. Your heart stopped beating.

$9 That was a grand funeral, dear. *sob*

$10 Hello, Warrick Brown?
July 28, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 10:44 pm
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a fulfilling weekend* 

As I aged, I've come to realize that I am somewhat more grateful for the little things I have. Of course, that's not to imply that I had been a difficult person to please either. But I deeply believe in this - If one does not know how to appreciate the small things in life, it matters not when the big things come along. And also for the mere fact that I have always been the independent sort – I hate to be a parasite that feeds on others. Even if I want to, I simply don’t qualify. i) I am not born with the drop-dead salivating bombshell looks. ii) Neither am I the “manja’ sorts. iii) I don’t know how to appreciate the posh branded stuffs; like BMWs, or a Merz, or a Prada, a Dior etc. iv) I can never consciously go out with an ugly spendthrift fart [I like the cultured, tall and skinny drug-addict-look type. Heh.] Just allow me to be with the things I like, and I will be happy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am a cheap person. Very very.

That’s why I think, for once in a very long while now, I had a very fulfilling weekend. Let me count the whys…

1. In totality, from Friday night till this Monday morning, I slept a good 35 hours! I think Smokie was pissed at me coz I've beaten his record! And I don't feel guilty about it.

2. Yesterday morning, I realized that Smokie has learnt to shut off my alarm for me! I’m dead serious he did just that! Haa. I’ve got a genius at home!

3. I finished 2 pocket books on Saturday – Nick Hornby’s Otherwise Pandemonium and Roald Dahl’s A Taste Of The Unexpected. [These 2 books are among 70 titles packed under Penguin Books 70 Years Anniversary Collection. Each book is sold at RM9.90 exclusively at Popular Books.]



4. I also got myself Elizabeth Berg’s ‘Durable Goods’ for six freaking ringgit at Pay Less Books, Amcorp Mall outlet. Woo! I have also purchased David Selaris’ ‘Naked’ book for RM15.

5. I had some good quality time at my cousin’s house; with my ageing aunt and uncle, my cousin and his family over 2 bowls of scrumptious, home cooked Assam Laksa.

6. Much to his abhorrence, I bathed Smokie and cleansed his ears on Sunday morning. Was rewarded with a deep scratch on my neck, but it was worth it when he was all clean and good smelling.

7. I watched Oprah on Primetime.

8. I finished my February 2005 issue of O magazine, which I managed to get for a whopping RM10.

9. I felt Jesus’ peaceful presence ever so strongly in the house.

10. I had a good confirmation dream about Jess.

Lastly, I thought long and hard about the blog. And I decided that I can't part with it and thus, will continue writing.

So, was that a swell weekend or what?
July 25, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 10:29 pm
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crossroads* 

I guess every blogger goes through this phase and I am currently going through the motions. I have one more entry to post this coming Monday and after that I will take a long leave to decide...

[P.S. Warrick Brown, this is where you come in to stop me and thereafter, we can do some Bollywood motions. Heh.]

July 21, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 10:46 am
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10 ways to be a lovable tyrant* 

"You talkin bout me?"

It’s tough being a pet these days. So much is expected of you, but it’ll be a breeze if you know where to press the right buttons. Then you can get away with murder and still be loved to death! Smokey da Bandit paves the way for all tomcats…

1. Make her think she's da boss.
Let your owner think she owns you. When she calls you, answer her even if you prefer to continue napping. But everyone else knows you are the one in charge coz she’s the one who feeds you, places clean water in your bowl, clears the poo, bathes you, combs you and showers you with everlasting love. And you don’t even have to pay her a single cent!

2. Stalk her at home.
Be the first thing she sees when she wakes up (Bear with those killer breaths!) and the last thing, before she sleeps. Occasionally, remind her of your existence by wagging your tail on her face. Make it your hobby to follow her everywhere in the house – in the kitchen, in the room, on her bed, on the sofa, in the bathroom, everywhere. Never let her leave your sight – she will misinterpret this stalking as ‘love’, when you just want to irritate the shit out of her.

3. When she leaves for work, show her your “I'll miss you” face.
That will break her heart and you can guarantee she will make it a point to come back early. Just so you can irritate her more.

4. Wait for her return, by the door.
And greet her with a loving “Mememmeoowww. Eow.” (Translation – I missed you! Not.)

5. Be adorable. Be cute.
Girls like her are a sucker for cute faces. So it helps if you are better looking than Antonio Banderas. Err, I mean Puss in Boots.

6. Allow her to coo sweet nothings to you.
Learn to temporarily deafen your ears when she does her “Oooh, you so handsome”, “Who gave birth to you, O you handsome one?”, “Wah Liau, you so gorgeous”, “So hamsem you, you so hamsem”…let her be. Occasionally, just give out a lame “Meooww” (Translation – I know!).

7. Give her things to do in the house.
Make a mess of the house so that she will have more reasons to be in the house on weekends. When it's in spick and span condition, wait an hour before turning it upside down again.

8. Make her share her food.
When she eats, stare at her with your petrifying cute “I’m hungry” look. She is sure to give you all the best meat. Then you’re able to taste other culinary goodies than just the dry cat food. Eww.

9. Be useful, once in a while.
Kill the house lizards, or the cockroach, if there’s no mouse in the house. Show her your warrior skills. Show her the great tomcat that you are. Be her hero.

10. When all else fails, do your killer pose.
Show her your dollops! Heh.

July 18, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 9:45 pm
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an album launch. and revelation to many things* 

It finally arrived. I'm talking about the launch of 1 Accord Ministry's (or better known as 1 a.m.) debut worship album titled 'Revelation'.

And it hit the streets with a big bang!

The album launch coincided with three sold-out concerts held over three consecutive nights on April 15, 16 and 17 at the ECF church which was totally transformed, resembling a disco with the words "REVELATION" lit above the entrance.

For a moment, I couldn't even recognise my own church! But that was good, in a way.

See, firstly, it was the entrance. And then there were the canopied tents where church members sold drinks, t-shirts and CDs while others distributed posters. And there were the CD redemption booths. Then there was the long line of people queuing up to enter. It might as well be Hard Rock Café. Only better.

Everyone had to produce a ticket which had three separate tabs: the left portion for entry, the middle served as a memento and the right portion to redeem the CD. Each ticket cost only RM20 and they were snapped up like hot muffins, from church members and non-members, Christians and non-Christians alike. Tickets were validated by two men in black suits (ala well-dressed bouncers.) and many lovely ushers.

The car park attendants were dressed handsomely too, with similar black suits. They also acted as watchmen throughout the night, making their rounds around the front, back and side lanes to ensure the safety of all parked cars.

Next, the stage too, was prepped up befitting the launch, with time-precision smoke releases, the album cover backdrop, long black blocks illuminated with words like "ENCOUNTER", "SUPERNATURAL", "TRANSFORMATION" and "FREEDOM" to set the mood for worship. There was also a purple- and blue-hued chandelier centrepiece in the hallway. The whole transformation was astounding.

For me, these decorations escalated the expectation for the night's performance. And the band did not disappoint. In fact, it was, for the lack of a better word – explosive!

The show kicked off with "Holy Spirit, Come", which was very apt, like a prayer for the Holy Spirit to anoint everyone present as they got ready for a night of powerful, meaningful and memorable worship.

"We're here to worship God together," Kelvin Lim, 1 a.m.'s worship director and Cathryn Loh, worship pastor, proclaimed.

1 a.m. consists of Kelvin (vocals and keyboards), Cathryn (vocals), Kevin Lau (bass), Adrian Lee (acoustic guitar), Vincent Chow (electric guitar), Terrence Inigo (drums), Shawn Kong and Lisa Leong (back-up vocals).

When the song "Anoint Me" ended, Kelvin told the story from Matthew 25 about not living on borrowed oil, followed by an altar call for those who wanted to experience new oil. Thereafter, he made another altar call for anyone who wanted to accept Jesus Christ as his or her Lord and Saviour. There was one hand raised, he announced and immediately went on to sing "Breathe".

When the song ended, Kelvin came to centre stage and told of the one hand raised earlier. He explained that as much as he wanted to discount it, the Holy Spirit nudged him deeply to heed the need regardless.

See, the one hand raised was his daughter's. "Don't push away my little children who want to come to me. She did not understand then. Now is the time," the Lord convicted him. Kelvin called upon his daughter to come to stage while Cathryn led her in the sinner's prayer. And the audience echoed along.

That, for me, was the highlight of the night. To witness a daughter heeding her own father's altar call to accept Christ. Awesome! I guess that's the best gift any father could ask for. And only our Father God truly knows our hearts and thus, planned for such a timely present.

Matthew 18:3 reads, "And said, verily I say unto you. Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

Though only one person was saved that night, the impact was immeasurable.

All in all, 1 a.m. sang 12 songs, including the Mandarin rendition of "You Alone Are Worthy", which was translated by Bay Chee Leong and Chen Ren Chun. The rendition was unique with the keyboard erhu in the background, giving it a traditional yet contemporary feel although I had no idea what was sung, except for words like "ai" (love) and "Yeh Su' (Jesus). But when it comes to worship, understanding the lyrics becomes secondary (like when one sings in tongues). Instead, one should feel the music and allow it to lead you to a point where the presence of the Holy Spirit becomes real and it elevates you to become closer to God.

The band performed with gusto, song after song, chorus after chorus, line after line. The momentum was strong – ten-folds greater than the usual Sunday sessions. And who would expect any lesser from them?

Why did the band choose Revelation as a title, you ask.

Kelvin explained, "Because when we see God for who He is, we can't help but worship. These songs are our glimpses of His greatness and how that has changed us."

Cathryn added, "If you enjoyed these songs, you have been entertained. If you meant what you sang, you have just worshipped. But if you live these words, God must have revealed Himself to you. And because of His revelation, we change…and we hope you will too!"

Amen.
July 12, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 3:33 pm
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portrait of a heartbreaker* 

Need I say more?
July 11, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 11:23 am
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postsecret* 

Once in a while, one would chance upon a mind-blowing site that just needs to be shared.

Postsecret is such a site.

In November 2004, blogger Frank Warren started Project Postsecret, to art exhibit a collection of secrets from strangers met at subway stations. Conditions: i) The secret has to be true. ii) It had to be a secret that had never been shared with anyone.

The result is the blog site, which is truly the most powerful I have ever seen. It provides great insight to what people keep as secrets. Some simple, some emotionally draining, some thought-provoking and some just simply funny. But all raw and real nonetheless.

All in all I think, if we dare to look deep down and be truly honest with ourselves, we will realise that we are more similar than we'd like to acknowledge, regardless of our skin color and the race we represent.

Poignant.

Powerful.

So damn powerful.

["Babar" secret is posted with Frank's permission.]
July 04, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 12:42 pm
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