no willy* 

Richie is a firm believer in married life. Since day 1 we met, he has been very empathetic in my so-called non-existent love life. So Richie decided to help out...

My handphone rang to the tune of The Police's Every Breath You Take.

"Hey Richie," me chirped.

"Hey Anjali, free to talk ah?"

"Ya ya...am driving. How can I be of service?"

"Would you be interested if I do a bit of match-making for you?"

"Why suddenly, ah?"

"No lah. I know this nice man. And you are a nice woman. So I think you two nice people should meet."

"Errr, did you see "Desperado" written on my forehead, izzit?"

"No. No. Don't get me wrong. I just thought you need a bit of help in the love department la."

"Orite. Give me details first."

1. Height - 5' 10" (So if I wear my usual 3" heels, he is still taller - Pass!)
2. Only son to a desperate mum who's sole purpose of living is to see her son get hitched. (More desperate than me - Half pass!)
3. Have lots of dosh and got no one to spend it on. (Passed with rainbow colors. Ka-ching!)
4. Good boy. Shy type. (Okay, I shall continue to wear the pants - Pass!)
5. Holds position as a Product Manager in a FMCG company. (Ok la - Pass!)
6. Hails from Seoul. (Oh no, long distance type - Fail!)

Considering he passed at 4.5 points, I gave Richie the green light to give out my email address. I need to see his writing skills in the Queen's language. See, communication is very important for me, especially if emails are gonna be our key mode of communicado.

Richie was a happy man when we ended the call.

The next day, I recieved an email.

The first line read - Hi. My name is Willie.

&^%$#+^%!!!!

April 28, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 9:24 pm
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are you from planet 38?* 

"Sum-pat"

That's the term I give when I meet someone who utters the most ridiculous verbal garbage thought possible, and at most times border close to sheer silly stupidity. It's basically the pronunciation of the number "thirty-eight" in Hokkien. Synonyms t0 jakun and sua-ku.

If I am in the mood, I will exercise my laser tongue to shoot back and have fun with the verbal war. When not, I will just give my infamous devil's stare before walking off.


Once in a blue moon, I think I fall into the same 38 trap. The fault lies in my retard genes and hermit schizo traits which resulted in excessive failure to make small talk to strangers. Some see this as arrogance. But that's so untrue.

Here's some interesting dialogues to share:

Dialogue #1:

As I volunteered to drive on a group outing, this lady friend asked me on my action and I explained...
Me: I don't mind...I like to drive, I find it therapeutic.
Specimen 38-#1: If you like to drive so much, why don't you get a job as a taxi driver?
Me: (scratch head) If I remembered correctly, you enjoy sex very much. So why don't you prostitute yourself?


Dialogue #2:

Me and my girlfriends were in the same lift with Greg Lyons after Pete Teo's Green Room Sessions. After the customary exchange of smiles, I wanted to tell him how much I enjoyed the show.
Me: Hey, great sax!
Greg: *sheepish grin* Thanks! (Retard!)
Mei and JJ could only afford to roll their eyes in disgust at my miserable pun.


Dialogue #3:

Specimen 38-#2: Hey, how long is the KL Fashion Week?
Me: How long do you think?


Dialogue #4:

Specimen 38-#3: Hi, my name is Sally.
Me: Hi Sally, my name is Anjali.
Specimen 38-#3: Anjali, is that Indian?
Me: No, it's African.
Specimen 38-#3: Really ah, but you don't look African woh...
Me: Ya, my father's Chinese.


Dialogue #5:

Once every purple moon, I would wear baju kurung to work and that become an open invitation to some unwelcomed remarks from the Malay men.
Security Guard: Eh, lawa hari ini pakai baju kurung. Tapi apasal tak pakai tudung sekali?
Me: Sebab I suka tunjuk aurat!

Dialogue #6:

On Jay Leno's show some time back.
Scenario - JL was interviewing college students at random. And this is a classic.

JL: Who invented the light bulb?
Girl: Err...I am not sure. Can you give me a hint?
JL: The name starts with the letter 'E'
Girl: E, E, E...Is it Eddie Something?
JL: Hm, that's close. Could it be Eddie's son? Get it? - Eddie's son??
Girl: I'm sorry...I don't know the answer.
JL: How about Edison?
Girl: Ya, ya...I heard of that name!

Are you a resident from planet 38 too?

Got any to share?

April 27, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 1:11 am
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goodbye jess* 

18 months have passed since you first took my breath away.
My feelings for you grew out of control. It outgrew itself.
And it pained me. It tore me down.
It stripped me of myself.
By loving you in silence, I've lost my identity.
I no longer recognise the reflection in the mirror.
The stranger in distress.
And I refuse to carry on this nomadic one-sided love.
I need to take hold of myself.
My life. My emotions. My sanity.
Let's face it - I will never have the guts to tell you how much I feel.
My deepest hope was for you to catch the loving gaze thrown your way.
And return it to the sender with a warm kiss.
A cold breeze I received instead.
My choice now is to continue keeping mum.
Than to face the rejection. Your rejection.
I've waved too many white flags in this love battlefield.
So this I say to you...let this be my last 'Ops Boikot' on you. Goodbye Jess. Hugs. Love forever.


Stories on Jess:
suitor* / buat donno* / what about me?* / malfunction in love*
lagu untuk si jantan berkokok* / resolutions la-di-da*

April 26, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 11:54 am
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please don't go* 

The unthinkable has happened.

When I had religiously and violently rooting for Anwar Robinson to win this season’s American Idol, he got eliminated. And for him to get kicked out before Scott and Anthony is…Bonkers! Bollocks! Bollix! Bung-kam!

I mean he can sing so well, dance and has long rasta-styled hair. He is the epitome of my "tall, dark and handsome" man. The rest are all as fair as dead steamed chicken rooster. I prefer them roasted. Er, I mean tanned.

Aiyo, I am super upset!

So I guess my hopes now go to Bo or Constantine...Pak Cham Kai also sapu la. Heh.

April 22, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 2:21 pm
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pissed about pissing* 

For the past week, I have been feeling pissed about work. There's just too many incompetencies loitering and lurking around. Like a shadow. You just can't shake them off. Worst than having a horny dog shagging on your leg and won't let go. And to add salt to the wound, I get them laced with primadonna-ish antics, free of charge. It's like the usual gift-with-purchase retail promos. Only this time, I wasn't even a keen buyer. But they shoved it up my face anyway.

And being the 'mulut laser' that I am, who voiced out my POV and will not condone to be treated as a servicing doormat, the wheel is turned on me that I am the one with the attitude. Hah! The only saving grace to pull me through this dark tunnel is knowingly realised that my true employer is God himself. When I sleep at night, my conscience is clear - I have given the best to my capabilities.

I also believe in this line – The task ahead of you is never as great as the power behind you. I pray that my bladder will be in better working order and thus, the pissing period will reach its end soon.

While we are on the subject of pissing, Leeds sent me this Friendship message today. Nice. Heh.



I will part with Badly Drawn Boy’s Pissing In The Wind lyrics.

I've been pissing in the wind
I chanced a foolish grin
And dribbled on my chin
Now the ground shifts beneath my feet
The faces that I greet never know my name

Just give me something
I'll take nothing
Just give me something
I'll take nothing

April 15, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 11:39 am
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purpose driven life* 

Life is short, more so when we start to feel the tremors of earthquake aftershocks from neighbouring Sumatra - 3 times within a short 3-months span. That's like threading on water. Let's not dwell further to lead a purpose driven life.

Please take time to read this. God bless.

In an interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity.

This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people...You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for you to own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan - to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my! bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better ...God didn't put me on earth just to fulfil a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

[To know more about Purpose Driven Life, click here]

April 01, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 6:36 pm
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