attacks of the smug married* 

Two months ago, I met up with H, my neighbour who resides at the opposite unit to my condo. H is a relatively shy person, who speaks only when you throw him a question or two. Without which, he is just as happy to wish you a ‘Hello” or ‘Goodbye” should we meet at the corridor or in the lift and just leave him be. That is absolutely fine with me. But on that day, H was as chirpy as a nightingale on dope. He was basically wearing a grin which stretched from ear to ear. A Cheshire grin, as some would call it.

“By next month, you will have a new neighbour. Someone is moving in to my house,” H chirped.

“Oh really? Are you renting out a room?” I asked.

“Err…no. I am getting married!”

“Haa… Alright. How silly of me. CONGRATULATIONS! Am so happy for you!” was my embarrassing reply.

“Haha. Thank you. Thank you.”

By which this time, I reached the ground floor and quickly said “Goodbye” and made my speedy exit.


EPISODE 1:

It was until 2 months later, when I was waiting for my lift one fine morning. I heard the grille being opened and decided to leave the lift open, waiting for H, who came in with a lovely and equally chirpy female bird lass. H introduced the girl to me as his wife, whom I have forgotten her name. So we will call her “C”, short for Chirpy.

“Hello, nice to meet you. Congratulations on your wedding! When was it?” was my introductory note.

“Oh! We got married 2 weeeeeks ago and we just came back from our honeymooooon in Phuket! And seeeeeeee, my wedding ring!!!!” she said as she placed her puny stone six inches away from my nostrils. I wasn't sure if she meant for me to smell it.

“Aaarh. Nice. Heh.” (Blardy show-off.)

Thank goodness I reached my lower ground floor, and again I said my goodbyes and made my exit.

“Byeeeeeee! Nice to meet you and see you again!” she shrieked from the lift.

“Haa….yeah, see you again!” (Not!)


EPISODE 2:

The week after, I met the 2 lovebirds again in the lift. I was in my baby-T, shorts and sport shoes, heading off to Bukit Jalil Park for my weekend morning run. They were also in their sports attire.

“Hi there! Where are you off to?” Ms. C squealed.

“Off to Bukit Jalil for my run.”

“Waaaaa. So healtheeeee. We are off to Taman Jaya for jogging tooooo!”

“Oh. Isn’t that a bit far?”

“It iiiiiis. But we are going to meet up with some friends! It’s so much more fuuuuun to do things together with friends!”

At this point in time, I wasn't sure if I had been insulted without even feeling the punch. It's called an Invicible Penampak. So I gritted my teeth, forced a smile and said, “Yes, I supposed so…”

“Neveeeer miiiiiind. Maybeeeeee, next time we can join youuuuu in your run!”

Ouch!

“Sure, that’s a cool idea!” (NOT!)

I left the lift at lower ground floor accompanied by her now irritating chirp, “Byeeee! Enjoy your ruuuuuun!”


EPISODE 3:

Last Friday, I reached home at about 9.30pm and realized H’s main door was open and saw three overnight suitcases lined outside. When I reached for my keys to open my own grille, Ms. C and H came out and said hi.

“Hi. Where are you two off to?” I asked.

“Oh. We are leeeeaviiiing for Penaaaang! You know, to spend some quality time with my iiiiin-laaaaaws!”

“Ah okay. Drive safely and have fun then.” I said and quickly entered the safety of my smug-free home. But I wasn’t quick enough to escape her “Okaaaaayyyy! Byeeeeeee! Haaaaave aaaaa goooooood weeeeekeeend!”


Yes, I am now encountering the dreaded "smug married" Bridget Jones episodes! Help me quick...before I do an Osama and shoot them!
August 11, 2007 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 4:30 pm
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