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it's his loss* 

I had gone through a bad breakup. But that was close to two years ago. It was tough. The pain was excruciating, as though your heart was being squeezed dry of every drop of blood. And then slashed to bits, thereafter grinded to dust.

And the roller coaster of emotions was totally incomprehensible. When you think you are happy and in control, misery decides to pay an unexpected visit and takes you on another pit-hole tour. Going deeper from the previous round.

Girlfriends were trying to be supportive. They tried very, very hard. Sometimes to the point I think I pity them. Really I do. I am one hard nut to crack when it comes to consoling. Any friend would vouch to that.

What’s funny is I discovered the most popular encouraging line for someone who has just gone through a break-up is “It’s his loss”.

Even now, upon hearing that my 7½ year relationship didn’t make it to the altar, immediately the consoling phrase thrown my way would be…tadaa…”It’s his loss”.

What does that mean? It’s his loss?

Does it mean…
I am a good woman. He’s a total jerk?
I am gorgeous. He’s a toad, which won’t turn into prince?
I am a saint. He’s the devil?
I am the satin bed sheet. He’s the dust mite?
I deserved someone better. And he doesn’t?
I am positive. He is negative?
Blah. Blah. Blah. Snort.

Sadly, it also means…
My girlfriends are just bad at consoling. They want to make me feel better with the only quick fix-it female ego boosting line they can think of. They think I needed a reason to believe that dumping P was the best decision in my life. And they ran out of what to say. So “It’s his loss” it is. The easiest way out. The right thing to say. Or so they think.

Stay with me for awhile and I’ll show you where this debate is heading.

So I am the good woman, right? After all, it’s his loss.
I deserved someone better, right? Again, it’s his loss.

I’d like to assume that during the first two months after the break-up, P actually had a bad time getting over me. I would also like to assume he had woken up in the dead of the night, many nights, and thought of me. Missing having his arms around me.

So I assume he went to the mercy of his guy friends, hoping to get some male ego brushing that the break-up was indeed the right decision at his end too.

High possibility that the line thrown his way was, “It’s her loss”.

Sounds familiar?

Yes, you see, the table has turned one hundred and eighty degrees.

It is no longer HIS loss, but Mine. Mine. Mine.

He is now the good man. I’m the bitch.
He’s now Prince Charming. I’m the evil queen.
He’s now the saint. I’m the she devil.
He now deserved a better woman. And that makes me lesser of a better woman.
Damn it!

So whose loss is it when two people break up?

I can’t decide.

I dare not.

October 11, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 8:38 am
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