love misunderstood* 

Last week, I had supper with a friend. Ya, a friend. We've known each other for about three years now. Mostly just hi's and bye's. A couple of times, he shared his collection of portraits and travel pictures taken. So close friends, we’re not. Just friends. But I digress...

On the second bite of the grilled fish, he poured out his heart and gut. Mostly about how unhappy he was with life in general. With his life. With his work. With his dwindling love life or the lack of it. With his church. With his church members. With his Cell. With his cell leader. With his pastor. With the pastor's sermons. With God. With God's and his unanswered prayers. The list went on and on. And on.

Here is a picture of a falling man. A falling Christian man. And it hurt me to see him so. More than I realised. And after much self reflection, I realised why it upset me.

Since the days of Adam, no man (or woman) ever wants to live his life on earth on his own. He needs a partner. Rightly so, God took one of his ribs to create Eve. (And is that why I love ribs so? Haa.) And then they were happy. They explored the jungle together. They explored each other. And then sin paid them a visit. Thereafter, they had to work hard to keep that love.

Nothing has changed since.

Even in this modern age, a single person who has exceeded the age of 30 will be perceived as an outcast if one is not married. It's not so bad if you're seriously dating someone. The key assumption here is soon the wedding bells will ring. But try being relationship-less. For me, the worst thing is when that single person perceives him / herself as an outcast for that very aforesaid reason.

And that is what has happened to that friend of mine.

It's no longer the case of peer pressure. It's his self-inflicted pressure upon himself.

And that's where I start to get frustrated with him.


If you are generally unhappy with yourself, can you totally believe that another person can tra-la-la into your life and turn it around 360º and make you happy?

If you wake up every morning in disgust and you moan, "Oh no, here goes another loveless unhappy day." And you feel like slapping your reflection in the mirror silly and in disgust. Can you seriously think that someone can really make you happy when you can't? And if she can, how long will it last? How long can the other person upkeep her own happiness amid your black soul?


If you have no love for yourself, how do you love another?

If there is no ion of love in you for yourself, where do you find the love for another? Any love found will be created out of desperation to please and to mask your self-loveless ness. And how do you love another when you can't even love God?


Why do you consider yourself "incomplete" just because you are not in a relationship?

Everyone is born a complete person. Thus, there is no such thing as finding a person to "complete" you. The line "You complete me" is best left to Tom Cruise and to Hollywood. What bollocks! If there’s anytime you should feel incomplete is when you don’t have God in your life!

A good partner should complement you and your lifestyle. Not to complete it.


And why should being single be so miserable?

Can you not accept that maybe this is the time for God to prepare you for the right person out there? To mould you to be her perfect match? To mould you to be more Jesus-like? And vice versa?

It's always about the journey and not the destination that matters. Why don't you make your single hood journey a fulfilling one? Not to your standard but to God’s. Why don't you learn to enjoy smelling the single hood roses? What's your rush? If you know that God is in control, then you should understand that his timing is always perfect.

And don't you know that it's always better to be in no relationship than to suffer in a bad one. Haven’t you been in many bad ones already? Are you a sadist? Any relationship that starts from a wrong footing will never end right.


And do you think the journey ends when you say "I do"?

That's merely ending the singleton journey and entering the new chapters of couple hood. And with a new journey tags along a whole new set of hurdles, problems and headaches. But if you have the right person sharing that journey with you, both of you can make it a blessed and rosy one.

So there.

I am upset how anyone cannot learn to comprehend all that.

And I get even more upset that he was unwilling to even try to listen.

I should not be upset. I am after all, not his keeper as Navi said.

But upset, I am.

June 15, 2005 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 9:55 am
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