bonda* 

I've seen better days than yesterday.

Practically bulldozed my way through the heaps of tasks. Missed lunch and dinner, with the exception of 5 packets of Nestum 3-in-1 Sweet Corn. By 10.00 pm, I decided I've done enough. So back to home it was.

The drive home accidentally took longer than I anticipated. Went to see a friend at Sri Kembangan and thereafter, missed a few turnings and ended up in Kajang. Trying to make the best of the situation, made a stop for some venison satay. Yum. Best decision I made all day. All week.

With the guilt of a glutton, I decided to put on M.Nasir's Canggung Mendonan album. Right after 'Ada', 'Bonda' came next in line.

And then it hit me. I missed mum. Oh how I really missed her so.

It has been a good three years since her sudden demise. No warning sign. No proper goodbye. No more sarcastic jokes to crack; the way only a mum and her youngest daughter can share.

Regrets crept in. Mum, just when I can start to afford to buy you some of your heart's desire, you go leaving me like that. That trip to China. And no one can describe this sense of loss better than 'Bonda'.

Mengapa kanta ini masih berkaca
Sedang ku telah pun terima
Di dalam reda
Segala kepahitan
Pengalaman menjadi penawar
Mengejar mimpi ke pintu syurga

Mengapa sinar neon dan gedung indah
Kotaraya yang menjanjikan sejuta rasa
Sejuta haruman
Kini menjadi penjara jiwa
Ku yang merindukan ketenangan

I left home to chase a dream of a better life in Kay El, the city that holds a million promises. And sometimes the hustle and hurried life feels like a gargantuan trap of sins, and I end up craving for the serenity of small town life. Oh, how Jane love the plants...

Duhai bonda
Hari-hariku
Kini berlalu
Bagaikan bahtera
Tanpa layar dan kemudi

Bonda
Akhirnya terbongkar jua rahsia
Tangisan dan gurindam
Keramat kasih sayangmu
Keramat kasih sayangmu...

Bonda
Saat dan pertemuan semula
Kita kali ini
Akan ku abadikan

You're in His good hands now, mum.
We will meet again. In dreams. Thoughts. Memories.

Love you lots.

(Footnote: Abang M.Nasir, anjali* minta maaf kerana telah memaparkan lirik lagu 'Bonda' tanpa kebenaran terlebih dahulu. Sememangnya perbuatan ini hanyalah untuk melafazkan rasa kesepian dan kerinduan mendalam yang sedang menusuk kalbu. Respek!)

February 27, 2004 // anjali* pranced on tip-toes all over the keyboard at 1:11 pm
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